environmental hazard

*what weak chin, holmes?

(one more quick advertorial for the new favorite amusement)

fuckey fuck.  legs.  sore.  arms.  sore.  shoulders.  sore.  body.  sore.

you won’t recognize yourself in a matter of a few months.  if you go out and find something that will scare the crap out of you, really tune in those survival senses, something that then turns into a killer physical activity, then whoo doggy, darling kitteh.  paragliding mostly does the first half but less so the latter.  too easy, not physically challenging them muscles.  same with hang gliding.  other sports maybe better, though not much that fully makes you feel like you might die (yes, exaggerating a little) when you first learn.  done a pile of them, for piles of time.  rowing, braindeath (though good meditation).  diving, for old fat people.  boxing, hate yourself every day when you’re 50 and everything hurts every day.  martial arts, no comment.  don’t have the patience.  skiing, meh sitting on a lift 3/4 of the time.  surfing, what is this, amish country?  soccer, ok … share one ball with like 20 dudes, that’s fun.  cycling, yawn.  swimming, kill me (meditation again, though).

kiting.  maybe there’s something.  or it’s just early infatuation.  probably that.

sore all the time.  days like yesterday when you just have to quit after an hour because your legs just won’t hold you up anymore because of the giant session the day before.  next morning waking up like you went to war the day before, and ready to go right back.  sitting at the beach, staring at the horizon, wondering if the white caps out there are just wishful thinking.  spending another two grand on a 14 meter kite because you got a 12 and there are just days when you need a couple meters more.  come on man, it’s so worth it.  (or really just a thousand cause you’re cheap and you wait for the guy desperate to sell.  whichever.)

the dudes look like greek statues because of this, pretty sure.  living a physical existence.  addictive enough to make you quit your stupid job and stupid mortgage.  you’re not going to flush your life over soccer.  really and this is not cool maybe but give me the choice of wind and waves or living with the little critter and i’m gonna have to go with … ok no.  not that bad.  yea fine i’ll visit, want to spend time with the wee one.  just let me check the wind forecast first.

a million years ago a jakey did the waterpolo thing.  similar dudes, ones you definitely don’t want to get in a fight with, but then also not quite as cool.  probably don’t get the same brain tweak treading water in a pool than riding waves and oceans, all ancient-god-myth-like.

environmental everything.  go where the people are, who are, who you want to be.

how much are we affected by our environment?  nothing new here of course besides the difference between hearing it and nodding your head, vs. actually experiencing it.

so smushed when having a 9-5, just wanting to go home and drown depression in internet porn and drinks.  no perspective of looking at it from the outside, no clear path to escaping it.  just living inside that box, only thinking as far as the next weird gangbang porn clip, or the next vodka and redbull and chatting up some slut in the bar.  we’re all tiny dumb frogs.  slow boiled by our surroundings.  you can’t see it till you jump into a different pot.  we’re tribal.  the tribe wires our brains.  mega societies are shitty consumption tribes.  facebook, replacement for human validation, tv replacement for friends and adventures, sugar replacement for adrenaline, the next stupid gadget replacement for struggle and victory.

fucking hippie talk.

jump into different pots. that’s all.


  1. Red23

    February 23, 2017 at 3:44 am

    Your vibe attracts your tribe.

    Unrelated, but I’ve got some good tunes I think you might like. This channel has songs from the 80s remixed with modern beats.


    Since you grew up around that time I thought you might like it.

    Here are some of the better songs I’ve found.


    Enjoy. I only just recently discovered it by accident.

    • Mark

      February 23, 2017 at 7:02 pm

      This stuff is GREAT.

  2. Henry

    February 23, 2017 at 11:28 am

    I think mountain hiking has the same effect.

  3. mk

    February 23, 2017 at 4:40 pm

    Awesome post although not sure if i prefer hippy jake to cambodian prostitute jake! Purely for entertainment purposes of course.

  4. Mark

    February 23, 2017 at 7:05 pm

    That’s a pretty strong recommendation. Pretty strong beard, too.

    Swimming, though, have to disagree.

  5. Hdog

    February 24, 2017 at 2:39 pm

    Downhill mountain biking – with a chairlift to take you up obviously (biking uphill is for 9-5 bitches suffering from an incurably out of whack effort-reward ratio).. chairlift bike park requirement narrows down your list of habitats but plenty enough options across the globe to bounce around and set up camp in a few spots.

    Discovered the sport this year. Fell in love. Split second lapse in concentration and you slam into a tree or misjudge your braking-point on approach to corner. Intense core workout. Blood pumping. Pupils fully dilated. Shred some slopes first thing in the morning and you’re pumped for the day. Less hassle than skiing..

    Not a steep learning curve (can get ‘good’ quickly) but then takes a very long time to become expert level- perfect for a lifelong hobby/sport. Plus, just a shitload of fun.

    Also. Couple of full-face helmets lying around the place gets girls thinking you’re a bit of a different breed. Game over.

    Looking at 2K for a decent setup including bike, helmet & protective gear. Can rent gear first to see if it’s your type of thing.

    Try itttt.

    Love your work jakey, long time reader, first comment. Thought I’d jump in on this one. PS- Your words have had such a deep impact on me I can’t even bare to imagine where I’d be if I hadn’t stumbled across this humble piece of digital real estate in some dark corner of the web late one night. Miracle.

    • Mark

      February 25, 2017 at 9:47 pm

      Downhill mountain biking, genius.

  6. Nick

    February 25, 2017 at 12:46 am

    I’ve always wanted to fly a wingsuit but you need something like 200 skydives to get certified for it.

  7. Dancing Joe Blow

    April 7, 2017 at 1:31 am

    Interesting perspective on tribalism must admit.

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