is jakey getting played?

clickbait.  the answer to this question of course is always yes.  duh.

pea brained jake.

just realized, just, because pea brain, that i’ve got two pictures of two baby mama passports.  two different names, two different birthdates.  da fuck.  what’s this, a double jake maneuver?  deja vu?  is the universe just a joke created by you who is the actual universe and this is something funny and ironic because ironic is how we do?

and here i kept thinking i’m the only one with multiples modes of identification.

shut up.  don’t even start in the comments.

little boy also has a random passport with a totally random last name.  not my doing.  i asked why and the explanation was dodgy.  and a bunch of visa stamps in it already.  you really do create what you create.  now i’ve got a sketchy kid and a sketchy baby mama.  apple, tree, things falling here and there.  what.  not.

of course there’s no haters here because it’s a tiny, off-google bloglet.  but you’ll still be tempted to preach and warn and fuss.  don’t.  i already know what picture i’m painting for your amusement.  remember the stories are being told exactly to evoke various ideas.

hey jake, you say.  you gonna wire five figures worth of petrol dollars to this scenario, still?

jake, you dumbass.

of course i’m gonna.  the only way to see another poker player’s hand is to throw in some chips.  playing it safe isn’t the way.  you’d be buying savings bonds and reading all of consumer reports on which airbag cars are the safest, you’d be saying no this went wrong for various old dumb fat dudes, so better not play poker, jake.

that’s not you.  you say fuck it, do it.  let’s see where this shiz goes.

can’t loose either way.  or rather i’ll loose either way anyway.  either i’m full time daddy and fucked or i’m having to find a family member to take care of the spawn once girl looses entire investment.  or she runs off with some local and stuff.

or put it another way.  the way i’d incline to.  either this will be amusing, or it will be amusing.  either jake will go to argentina and have a half argentine spawn, or … i don’t know.  go kite some more.  things will no doubt happen, moving the story forward.  it won’t be boring.  and the asian spawn will re-appear when he’s 15 and curious who his actual father is.

actually.  this just winkey humor moment.  all systems nominal.

in other news, kiting still scares the fuck out of me.  the start part and the end parts in particular.  every time going out at fist is this heart pounding moment.  maybe it’s because fuck, with the giant shore break here.  every time it’s like you’re fighting for survival, not going to have fun.

but then past the shore break it’s awesome.  more some kind of irony, somebody smarter would have some life-analogy with this one.

also then coming back in through that giant shore break.  you gotta not be caught and spun under by the wave, otherwise you loose control over the kite that you’re fully attached to.  the kite which would then crash into the beach at shocking speed, injure people, or start spinning generating a huge amount of force that’ll pull you right out of the wave and drag you up the beach and into the trees at head spinning velocity.  all possibilities, but hey just have fun bro.  once you got the skill none of that stuff will be bits to worry about.  just survive till then, bro.


also figured out the various tweakey adjustments.  fascinating how little changes in where lines are attached to the kite totally change it’s behavior.  found the bit to slow down the turning speed (thank fucking god) and change the bar pressure and stuff.  so you can actually control it one handed and have fun with it, even if you’re a fucking tool newbie amateur little punk.  it’s somewhat amazing how much engineering is in these things.  invented as you know, by a bunch of half african, half syrian engineer types.  female engineers, obviously.  thank god.


  1. Henry

    February 27, 2017 at 4:03 am

    Why Argentina?

  2. Afox

    April 6, 2017 at 6:54 am

    Maybe your girl has been learning from this blog the whole time

    She is a secret fan girl

    Maybe its one of those conspiracy movies that were popular in the late 90s…

    You’re gonna get your organs harvested and sold on ebay

    Either way, you’re gettin’ played bro

    Like a … fiddle

    • jakey

      April 6, 2017 at 11:27 am

      Long as that fiddle gets played with …

  3. Sam

    April 8, 2017 at 9:46 am

    Should be able to buy a quick disconnect. Being dragged by a big kite is…unhealthy.

    • jakey

      April 8, 2017 at 3:37 pm

      yea there’s a two stage safety built into them all now. pretty trick.

  4. Pieter

    April 9, 2017 at 11:16 am

    Farm the rice you pay the price!

  5. Dancing Joe Blow

    April 9, 2017 at 12:28 pm

    Now I have to look up who invented Kite surfing. Can’t trust the jakeys poetry

    • jakey

      April 10, 2017 at 2:00 am

      never trust the twists and misdirections of jakey’s anythings.

  6. Elliot

    April 10, 2017 at 8:33 pm

    Apparently some movie came out about the group of black women who put a man on the moon. Unfortunately, white people were just too racist to give them credit.

    Shit’s crazy, son.

    • jakey

      April 11, 2017 at 1:44 am

      when you seriously got *no* other problems in life …. 😀

      • Elliot

        April 11, 2017 at 2:13 am

        I think that’s the West’s biggest problem; there are no real problems. Being that we’re made to solve and improve, people invent issues so that they have something to fight for and struggle against.

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