wishful internet writings

aye.  it’s time to put this ugly one out there.

i used to read a blog, similar but different from this bloglet here.  a guy who packed up and left the west behind.  settled in the far corners of the world.  built various piratey businesses, keeping various women folk, musing on love and sex and business and lifey bits.

a little long winded the posts, but still … like minded creatures, you know what i’m saying.

but then.

various planets aligned.  a reader of this bloglet who i’d met in person previously, ended up going to work with this other blog dude.  an amusing and fortuitous coincidence of sorts.  i’d since also met one or two other guys who worked with this other blog dude, and the plot about the guy had been thickening.

and they all were in a location i’d wanted to visit anyway and it was time for a visa run, and so off jake went, to meet up with … dudes.

which, how often is that a wise idea anyway?

short story short, it was all nothing like one might have imagined, from reading the dude’s blog.

i’ll spare you all the gratuitous details.  just imagine hiring an illustrator to turn a largely unremarkable scenario into a superhero cartoon.  using real locations and real scenarios and real people, just repainting it all in a brush dipped in every imaginable ridiculously not-actual superlative.

barely average bitches become super hot heroine girl things.  a couple hardly-even dollars turn into fucking scrooge mc duck’s endless vault of gold.  hair brained business ideas with so much fail you can’t even stop laughing, become gleaming time machines.  made of metals forged from ancient meteorites.  mad scientist dude with metal tentacle for arms.

what would you call that … aspirational writing?

or horseshit.

the experience did leave some jakes a little scarred.  now every time i write some random stupid post, i wonder.  am i twisting reality, aspirationally?  because, yea.  you come here and i’m just an average dude, living a life filled with coffee shop routines and long spells of nothing going on.

am i projecting a superhero where in reality it’s just a normal dude’s normal life?

i do want to say, yea dude-jake-bro.  you is.

everybody is.  that’s why god invented instagram filters, nothing is nothing until you photoshop and filter-fuck the fuck out of the ordinary and mundane.

i quit reading the dude’s blog.  it’s just a horrible farce now, all the chest beating and braggadocio.  when really it’s just a sad lonely guy barely scraping by, with sad lonely fully depreciated women, scheming impossible business ideas, writing hairy nonsense.  trying to lure young, impressionable dudes to join a … what, tribe-oh-delusion?  yikes.  imagining he’ll fill a void in both business acumen and reality gap that can’t be fixed with every last living guy on planet earf.

anyway.  it fucks with me writing anything anymore.


  1. MK

    February 3, 2017 at 4:31 am

    Was thinking these last couple posts were really good actually sucks to hear it’s bothering

    • jakey

      February 4, 2017 at 1:13 am

      thanks. 😉

  2. Krautz

    February 3, 2017 at 4:45 am

    The fact you say it is good enough? Just do a few reminders once in a while and that should be good enough.

    Most of tim cooks life is sitting in meetings and talking to random people, sending emails, writing keynotes, spreadsheets and documents and thinking of plans. He also goes to the gym in a the morning. Also reading crap. Pretty boring right? Sounds like an average dude to me. But that guy’s life is special cause hes the fucking CEO of the biggest company in the world.

    • jakey

      February 4, 2017 at 1:14 am

      yea it’s like you need to see a high speed montage to see what’s up.

  3. AlmostAnonymous

    February 3, 2017 at 5:21 am

    question: how do you feel about your life, right now, as it is? if you are happy with it, then who the fuck cares if you’ve made 10 dollars or a thousand? whether you’ve had 10 teenage hookers or one old clapped out old whore.

    maybe you’re truthful about everything, or you exaggerate everything by a million. i don’t care. you’re entertaining and you have real gems to share.

    write because you enjoy it, and to hell with what anyone else thinks.

    • jakey

      February 4, 2017 at 1:16 am

      true, true. as it is, very little else i could possibly wish for. 10kg more muscle maybe. a few more babies, maybe a few more baby mamas (though that more project than things i’d not currently be happy with).

  4. Red23

    February 3, 2017 at 6:16 am

    Are you talking about Tim Ferris? Any remote clues as to who this blogger is?

    • Red23

      February 3, 2017 at 6:42 am

      I think it might be from your Bali trip now that I think about it. I wish we could edit comments so I wouldn’t need to reply to myself.

    • Redwolfe

      February 3, 2017 at 8:08 am

      It isn’t Ferris.

    • jakey

      February 3, 2017 at 9:02 am

      If I were to say, probably would have done so in the post ..

    • rgove

      February 3, 2017 at 11:36 am

      Ferriss doesn’t fit: he never left the West behind, except for a couple of years as an exchange student many years before he started blogging. And he doesn’t write about love and sex.

      Victor Pride came to mind because he has no shortage of chest beating, and I recall some mention of him setting up interns and employees to live with him. But he never really wrote about women either: the way he described it, he set up one girl effectively as his wife, and then spent all his time making money. So he doesn’t fit either, unless he’s changed since I stopped reading him a couple of years ago.

  5. Yul Brynner

    February 3, 2017 at 8:20 am

    Prolly ******

  6. Redwolfe

    February 3, 2017 at 9:24 am

    One of that bloggers other employees introduced me to this blog a couple years ago when I went out there. I bailed before you arrived there; like you say, a lot more hype than substance, having seen behind the curtain.

    However, I gotta admit, the man has accomplished something. His life isn’t half what it seems like in his blog, but it is still ten times better than it would be in the West. His business didn’t impress me at all, but he’s no wage slave. His girls aren’t 9’s, but can you imagine a guy like him having even one girl like that in the West? Never. He is pretty unremarkable, until you compare him to the peers he left behind and their scripted lives. As disillusioned as I was, I still think about my time there almost daily. If an unremarkable guy can create his own reality, flawed as it is, I should be able to as well. It left me hungry to create a life on my terms.

    That’s why I come here too, aside from the entertainment value. I’m back in the West, trying to make something happen. Even if you reject the McMansion and the status symbols, it is still way too easy to accept the scripted rules and roles that people want to put on you. This blog reminds me that I can reject all that crap, and make my own reality. It’s a sweet drop of madness in a horrible sea of sanity. It keeps me dreaming, and makes me want to stop dreaming and build something. Other people don’t dream here; they just watch football. So thanks, Jakes.

    Don’t worry about how your writing comes off. It works. If you like doing it, keep doing it.

    • jakey

      February 4, 2017 at 1:17 am

      very good points. one of my flaws is not really looking much at all the way down, how much worse it can really get.

      and i’m not knocking blog dude via this post. not mentioning names and things because it’s irrelevant. just made me think about living a lie (whether internally or externally), being limited by that lie, being run by that whole facade … then putting my own output through that lens and wondering how much of that i might be doing.

  7. afox

    February 3, 2017 at 10:20 am


    It’s this sort of thing that puts me off doing the whole pirate-blog thing. At times, I think, “God damn I am one interesting, handsome devil with a lot to share” and other times… feel like fraudville with nothing to add.

    As far as the guy you’re talking about, had a few chats. Almost went out there, but every time it was like this crazy cult thing; a little too eager to make me drop everything to go and be an intern. Obviously I didn’t go so can’t comment further on that. Still, the blog is interesting and touches on a lot of stuff I’m into. Oh well.

    if you’re feeling particular ennui over writing and whatnot, it’s possibly a sign you need to do something new and throw yourself into it. When you’re excited about new stuff, you’re naturally authentic. No expectation of guruness or authority, just a guy bouncing new ideas around. Based on my obvious world-changing expertise at diagnosing people psychologically through blog posts, I’d say your recent post history suggests that.

    so yeah

    • jakey

      February 4, 2017 at 1:19 am

      oh the hilarious stories one could tell you, make you wince and be amused about what you maybe missed out on (i won’t). honestly though, i’d probably recommend an interning experience there, especially if you feel stuck or bored or aren’t going to miss out on anything important. it’d be full of interesting lessons at the very least. while i was in touch, it was one of my very most highlights to get updates.

  8. Chris

    February 3, 2017 at 2:24 pm

    Everyone’s life is routine, seems natural enough.

    To make a suggestion, you kinda invite this type of thinking whenever you write a post about how money isn’t important while still implying you’re making mad cash in various vague “but-I-promise-they’re-cool” businesses. It can come off as a bit self-congratulatory, which, if it’s intentional then sure, feel free, just pointing it out. Careful of becoming the guru, Jake.

    Your best writings are philosophy and crazy stories and girl-advice, keep those coming and forget about the money!

    • jakey

      February 4, 2017 at 1:23 am

      fuck you I AM THE GURU. I. AM. THE G UUUU U RRRR UUUU.

      wait. nevermind. but about the money and stuff, it’s like when guys talk about how heroin addiction is forever, even if you quit doing heroin. i never tried heroin but i very much feel that way about money. i get into these spells (relapses) and then it’s like being high and thinking wow, this is so damn awesome. i can buy every fucking thing i want!!! (douche, douche, douche). like somebody high on coke talking to you while you’re not on coke, him all excited and you going … douche. huge feeling of freedom, ego manical musings about how to overindulge on things, wanting to tell everybody, to rub it in.

      horrible. also does nothing good. eventually i catch myself and go back to driving around in $700 cars and having six roomates and living on $5 a day in cambodia … and all is well again. chasing girls and living actual life.

      it’s bad crack, the money bit. also maybe why every so often i get into a rant on how everybody should stay semi broke.

      • joe

        February 6, 2017 at 5:18 am

        ya, you live like a skid, then take 5 minutes a month to smirk at your actual net worth, and go back to living like a skid

        its a solid way of living, and lets you pounce when real opportunity comes knocking

  9. Glengarry

    February 3, 2017 at 2:42 pm

    Hey hey, someone has to look at the mosquito-infested mudflat by the village of inbred morons and see the resort town packed with BMWs toting carbon fibre kite surfing gear.

    • Glengarry

      February 3, 2017 at 2:49 pm

      I’ve brainstormed with people dressed a bit funny around kitchen tables or in unpromising pubs about their weird ideas and they have gone on to make many millions of dollars. Several times. (What about me? Um.)

      Part of getting there is having a reality distortion field, even if it’s glitchy.

      • jakey

        February 4, 2017 at 1:24 am

        fuck those people. how dare they.

  10. Glengarry

    February 3, 2017 at 2:43 pm

    You’re not a guru? Wtf, now you tell me?

    • Glengarry

      February 3, 2017 at 2:44 pm

      I mean, everyone goes on a down cycle now and then but this is more fun when you’re the guru. Even if you’re a troll guru.

      (all gurus are troll gurus)

      • jakey

        February 4, 2017 at 1:25 am

        that, priceless.

  11. Dimitri

    February 3, 2017 at 6:26 pm

    Damn, that guys blog was always stood out to me. But the odd rants that came out of nowhere made me pause a few times. But I figured maybe senile decay might have been kicking in or maybe business was being particularly stressful.

    Regardless, your comment about narratives and feeble gods swept aside any slight about your LSD usage – its what drew me to comment in the first place. This post is the icing on the cake. If you meet buddha on the road, kill him.

    Cold jakey is coooold.

    • Dimitri

      February 3, 2017 at 7:21 pm

      Ohhhhh, this is a response post. Just saw his one. You guys are funny.

      • jakey

        February 4, 2017 at 1:26 am

        what? no. no, no. unrelated probably.

  12. Nick

    February 3, 2017 at 8:41 pm

    It’d be a shame if you stopped, your blog is like a readable version of Archer.

    • jakey

      February 4, 2017 at 1:12 am

      plus i look exactly like archer.

      • Wojciech

        February 4, 2017 at 9:44 am

        I don’t mean to disrespect you, but no 🙂

        BTW I am sort of near ******. Fancy a coffee someday next week?

  13. Mark

    February 4, 2017 at 12:11 am

    Like everything else on the Internet, it’s both truth and lie, equally and simultaneously.

    Like, you read the stuff because it has valuable insights with which to enhance your consciousness, not because you expect it to be true.

    Everyone’s just a series of masks. The original meaning of “persona” captured this pretty well. I stop by for your cedonulli persona and its insights and whatnots.

    • jakey

      February 4, 2017 at 1:26 am

      which is all entirely accurately representing every day of my everyday life.

      • Mark

        February 4, 2017 at 12:46 pm

        Eh. Everybody’s existence is mundane. Even Tim Cook’s, as mentioned by your other reader above.

  14. Kansas

    February 4, 2017 at 7:24 am

    Through a mirror, darkly.

  15. d. beguiled

    February 4, 2017 at 7:41 pm

    I saw an episode of the tv show Monk, where Monk found himself sitting near a very large and very hideous abstract painting. He looked at the thing in horror and said, “What is this?” and then again, “What is this?’

    After a few seconds his face got even more terrified and he said, “It’s me, isn’t it?”

    Relax. You are just having a Monk moment.

    • jakey

      February 5, 2017 at 12:50 am

      i totally did have a monk moment.

  16. dl....

    February 5, 2017 at 4:08 pm

    All the gurus are false prophets. Just needing more followers to feed the machine and their egos and their pockets. Then combine with anonymity…And everyone out there is James Bond….. But in reality dudes are English teachers banging desperate old 4ft Filipino maids on Sundays in HK…

  17. Sam

    February 7, 2017 at 2:57 pm

    How did you get my picture!

  18. xsplat

    February 9, 2017 at 9:45 pm

    I’ve got no problem with your post.

    I guess I wasn’t aware that I’d been aggrandizing my situation. It is what it is. Sometimes good, sometimes horrible. Right now kinda shit sometimes.

    I don’t mind people laying out their candid views about others. I do that all the time.

    I quite enjoyed meeting you,and was dissapointed that it was not mutual. My loss. I like you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

three + 19 =

Optionally add an image (JPEG only)